How to Host a Murder: Maiming of the Shrew
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My dearest fellows:
When frosty winter shall besiege thy brow, come ye, my friends, to Twelfth Night at the Glib. Such revelry the gods may still allow for foodstuffs sticking tightly to the rib. Her Royal Highness Queen Illicibeth shall with her presence deign us at our spree. With recipes of our Lady MacDeth, O verily what foods these morsels be!
My lovely lady Katheter DeVane doth with me host our heavenly soiree. Her beauty driveth many men insane, but only I could steal her heart away. So join us at our genuine behest and take the blade of revelry to breast!
In Her Majesty's Service
- William Sheepsheare
Queen Illicibeth, Lady MacDeth, Mary, Queen of Schnapps, Ophelia Bottomsworth, Spamlet, Prince of Hallmarke, Caliban Rollon, Gridlock, the Merchant of Tennis, Costello the Abbot
Her Royal Highness Queen Illicibeth single-handedly pulled the realm up by its bootstraps, and, thus, is the most loved much of England. Aside from the recent and catastrophic defeat of her army by the French, she has been highly successful in all her endeavors.
"Double, double, toil and trouble, took her wealth and made it double." What began as an old family recipe exploded into a chain of swift foode restaurants loved by everyone from the Gauls to the Celts. Ravishingly beautiful, but of wintry demeanor, the imposing Lady MacDeth is respected and feared in courtly circles.
MARY, QUEEN OF SCHNAPPS
Deposed of her crown by Queen Beth, this youthful and beautify monarch is always decked out in the latest Illicibethan fashions. She is quick of tongue of tongue, rash of action and has started wars on a whim.
The only survivor of a shipwreck, Ophelia is a recent arrival to England's shores. As a show of compassion, Queen Beth took the poor woman in, and now, Ophelia works as Queen Beth's trusted personal maidservant.
SPAMLET, PRINCE OF HALLMARKE
Spamlet is the much-loved young prince whom Queen Beth has taken under her wing to train for the day he will be king. He has a gentle, loving nature and looks that could melt the heart of a witch.
Caliban is a gruff commoner with strong chiseled features that are both handsome and intimidating. He is a commoner to be sure, but few commoners have had the charisma to gain the attention of the ruling class, as Caliban has.
GRIDLOCK, THE MERCHANT OF TENNIS
This shrewd tradesman made his fortunes in the creation of a sport of ball now enjoyed by noblemen throughout the land. Rumor has it however that the score is love in the queen Beth's court, as he can often be seen in queen Beth's company.
COSTELLO THE ABBOT
This high, holy man recently lost his abbey and is currently earning his living as a theater critic. His scathing review of sheepsheare's play All's Well That Ends Where Everyone Dies is more often remembered than the play itself.